A Forever Kind of Change...

(5 and a half months pregnant, Dec 2007)

Who knew one little person could change your life forever? Having a baby does just that...

I didn't know this then. I couldn't even imagine it then.

But I know it now. It didn't hit me until recently. And now it's hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have a 2 year old daughter!

Now all I ask myself is...

Is she ever going to have a father?

Will she ever get to have little brothers or sisters?

What will she think of me, her mother?

Will she ever want to meet her biological father?

I'm constantly worried...for her and for me.

I'm scared of falling in love with someone.

 I'm scared that someone won't love her as much as I do.

I'm scared that she'll get hurt.

I'm scared that she'll hate me.

 But I'm scared of getting old.

And ending up alone.

Because she'll grow up...

She'll go to college,

She'll fall in love.

She'll get married.

She'll have babies.

But what about me?

I'm getting old. Two more years and it's the big 30 for me.

A long time ago I told myself, "If I'm not married by 30, I'm never getting married!"I think it's about to happen. Not marriage. But the never getting married part.

But I want to get married.

I want to have more kids.

I want a little family.

I want a house

I want a dog.

But now, I have to think twice about who I'm getting married to. Because of my little one. I love her to pieces and I want my future someone to love her to pieces too!

I'm really not complaining I'm just saying:

Babies change your life forever!

I believe mine changed my life for the better!